Does anyone feel like they have a desire to essentially become a completely different person? | Coursera Community

Does anyone feel like they have a desire to essentially become a completely different person?


Userlevel 1
Badge +2

When I see myself right now and I compare myself to who I want to be, it's like seeing a completely different human being that just so happens to have my face on it. How do you even begin to make such a drastic change? It's something that I've wanted to commit to for the past couple of years now but every time I go to make these changes, I completely lose it after a few weeks to a month and fall back into my old self. Take a person whos unhealthy, undisciplined, not social, doesn't interact with many people, and create a person who is the inverse of all those traits. That's essentially my situation. It feels so overwhelming and it's like this crazy mountain that I'm staring at from the base. How do I even begin to break that stuff down when there's just so much that I have to do?


10 replies

Userlevel 6
Badge +13

Hi @Hudson

First of all, I must say, your English and style of writing is beautiful. I can see an author in your writing. Keep it up!

About your thought, what I think is, sometimes, even though we try to change, it doesn't last long. That's because, somewhere at the back of our minds, we are ok with who we are and how things are. However, sometimes something so happens that changes our lives forever, that forces us to change, just for the simple reason of survival. If we don't change, we won't make it. That sort of thing. It is in those times that we find ourselves as a completely different person. And it's for the better. Changes are good as long as they make us better.

Setting a goal is important. Once you've set your target, you'll know what changes you need to make in yourself in order to proceed towards it.

Whether circumstances push us or not, we must have the will and urge towards betterment.

You can begin and improve any time, even now. Just start!

Userlevel 2
Badge +3

@Hudson Good day!

I don’t know your age, current occupation, civil status, etc etc. My advice will therefore be quite generic in nature.

Humans are beings of habits. We live our life full of beliefs, behaviors, tendencies, preferences, etc which we accumulated over decades. These habits will not go away overnight even we try our mightiest efforts!

For example a person is an introvert, over-weight, does not like his job (say, teaching), lives with his parents (whom have hinted many times for him to move out), a couch potato, no hobbies,

If this person sets a goal to change all these in 3 months, he will surely be overwhelmed and fail. Instead, he starts by looking for a new job. Say in 2 months, he found a job as a packaging supervisor in an Amazon distribution center on the fringe of town. By his 2nd month on the job, he really enjoys the work and the environment. By the 4th month, he will probably find a room close to his new work place. Over these 4 months working in the distribution center he joins the company’s basketball team, and enjoys the game and camaraderie with his colleagues after work. And things continue on. In one year, this person will find himself quite a different person.

Therefore, instead of trying to change massive aspects of yourself, I suggest you change one thing at a time. Don’t pressure yourself to get big results in a short time. Relax and enjoy the process of change. Set a goal, realistically give yourself 2 years. By April 2023, you’ll look back with satisfaction of the progress you make by then. Godspeed! 

Userlevel 7
Badge +13

I appreciate the concept by @khorhanheng which is very important, being gradual in anything.

Being Gradual means that we enjoy the present time, but we also have a small target at the time that sometimes is hard even if is small. 

see: "I wanna Stop smoking tomorrow." (I wanna = I want to)

Most of times we fail (I always forget my targets within two days!), but the key is Consistency so one day I will find myself where I wanted to be.

WHO AM I? What I wanted to become? How could I have been if my life wasn't so gloomy?

These are the typical questions Oriental Philosophy is declarately built on. 

This happens because Society throws a lot of expectations on us, so we grow up filled of "Must be / Must do" in order to feel satisfied... for a short time. 

Graduality means that we don't rely on an ideal image of ourselves, as everything can change. An ideal actually is a fixation, it's the fear of change indeed.

So "I want to become" is a paradox in words, you see it?

"I want" is the expression of Self, and the Self does not want to reach the end. That's why true love can be a scary moment. 

Love is being part of the flow. Let life pass through you. 

Be creative, be messy, one day you will see the big picture.  

Userlevel 6
Badge +10

I hear your frustration, @Hudson and I am glad that you feel comfortable to discuss about it.  Making changes as drastically as you described can be done, and it may take a life time.  If you have the desire, you can make it one step at a time.  I am aware of at least one method and there is no quick fix.   @khorhanheng and @ATP shared their wisdom and life experiences.

Of the three aspect that you mentioned, unhealthy, undisciplined, not social, for now, which one is your priority?  Of the first priority one, what specifically would you like to change to?  What have you tried?  Maybe that can be used as a case study to see what has not worked for you, and others can offer what has worked for them so that you can consider if others success may reveal a method that may work for you.  Would you like to try this approach to take one small step towards your goal?

Meanwhile, since you are on Coursera platform, I assume that you have taken courses here.  If you are upto it, try The Science of Well Being and see if you can pick up a few gems there.

Userlevel 6
Badge +9

Another course that might be helpful is Mindshift.

Like others have said, making massive changes is a huge task, but breaking down the goals and choosing what to work on, little by little, will help you succeed. All the best!

Userlevel 7
Badge +13

@Pat B I myself have taken that course, I always quote it, except here…

To me, the main issue of this thread is about Models of personality. We’re surrounded by those Ideals/Idols, from Religions to Business, and rarely educated to know ourselves, that is, and make a Model out of ourselves. I concluded instead that Jesus message was about Emancipation, which is not Rebellion (it all was about the Original Sin, right?):

don’t fight a power, because you have been given the same one, use it to pave your own way. 

when you love what you do, pity does not exist

Which is not about “being a good boy and help each other” but mostly, if we all enjoy life, we understand that everybody should and build together a stronger society (it’s a consequence).

The Law of Love is paradoxical (see above): how can god-scared people love life?  

So I myself am trying to work out this issue as always in the question Where am I, What road to choose? and I personally found it is a matter of INTUITION, an idea (a challenge) that comes out of an effort and which is generally gradual. Even if I ignore it / can’t organize it etc.. sooner or later I’ll come to the same conclusion. So it has to be the way.

Best luck sincerely.  

Userlevel 1
Badge +2

Hi @Hudson

First of all, I must say, your English and style of writing is beautiful. I can see an author in your writing. Keep it up!

About your thought, what I think is, sometimes, even though we try to change, it doesn't last long. That's because, somewhere at the back of our minds, we are ok with who we are and how things are. However, sometimes something so happens that changes our lives forever, that forces us to change, just for the simple reason of survival. If we don't change, we won't make it. That sort of thing. It is in those times that we find ourselves as a completely different person. And it's for the better. Changes are good as long as they make us better.

Setting a goal is important. Once you've set your target, you'll know what changes you need to make in yourself in order to proceed towards it.

Whether circumstances push us or not, we must have the will and urge towards betterment.

You can begin and improve any time, even now. Just start!

Thank you for the nice words! Found some interesting thoughts for myself. I'll start with goal setting.

Userlevel 1
Badge +2

@Hudson Good day!

I don’t know your age, current occupation, civil status, etc etc. My advice will therefore be quite generic in nature.

Humans are beings of habits. We live our life full of beliefs, behaviors, tendencies, preferences, etc which we accumulated over decades. These habits will not go away overnight even we try our mightiest efforts!

For example a person is an introvert, over-weight, does not like his job (say, teaching), lives with his parents (whom have hinted many times for him to move out), a couch potato, no hobbies,

If this person sets a goal to change all these in 3 months, he will surely be overwhelmed and fail. Instead, he starts by looking for a new job. Say in 2 months, he found a job as a packaging supervisor in an Amazon distribution center on the fringe of town. By his 2nd month on the job, he really enjoys the work and the environment. By the 4th month, he will probably find a room close to his new work place. Over these 4 months working in the distribution center he joins the company’s basketball team, and enjoys the game and camaraderie with his colleagues after work. And things continue on. In one year, this person will find himself quite a different person.

Therefore, instead of trying to change massive aspects of yourself, I suggest you change one thing at a time. Don’t pressure yourself to get big results in a short time. Relax and enjoy the process of change. Set a goal, realistically give yourself 2 years. By April 2023, you’ll look back with satisfaction of the progress you make by then. Godspeed! 

Hi and thanks for the support!
I think you are absolutely right. I need to set goals and follow them.

Userlevel 1
Badge +2

Another course that might be helpful is Mindshift.

Like others have said, making massive changes is a huge task, but breaking down the goals and choosing what to work on, little by little, will help you succeed. All the best!

Thank you Pat! Will check the course.

Userlevel 7
Badge +13

Hi man. I see you posted the following, which is a commercial advertising 

Now I thought I was replying to a sincere need of suggestions / points of view. It may turn out that you’re gathering such suggestions as part of your business activity. I am deeply disappointed by that.  

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